I don't think I ever fully appreciated what Mom's recovery must have felt like. I feel so imprisoned...my mind is racing, active, absorbent, and hell-bent to join the land of the living again...but the body just isn't willing. I feel like I'm wasting my days, and so help me God I will never understand the life of a couch potato. I want to run and jump and be like all of the rest of the kids!

Simple tasks that I know I should be able to do leave me sweaty and dizzy, and I'm frustrated that I can't force myself better. And, I'm land-locked...no where to go but the couch... or a few feet over, the kitchen...I limit my use of the stairs after a klutzy accident on Monday that sent me head-first into a wall...I joked with Nick that I was just relieved it wasn't the other end.

But really, it's a bad moment when you realize that you cannot outsmart the cosmic forces of nature, the supernatural, or the divine...strangely, patience isn't a value that I typically lack. I think I just want to run away from this mess, from the memories, from the implications, from what the future may hold. I just want life to lighten up already.

That being said, I won't look a gift horse in the mouth...my family's received some good news as of late...for the moment, they're calling me Cancer-free, my aunt's breast tissue biopsy came back benign, and my father's sinus problems have cleared, thereby cancelling the surgery they were scheduling. I really have no reason to complain...I just have a brain with too much time to think and too little to think about. I want my body to accelerate and hopefully catch up some day very, very soon.