I pulled a chair to the table as my aunts, mother, and I dined.

It had been a trying morning a few hours previous...a coffee hour that my companion led into the heart of cynicism, far away from the friendly tone I had envisioned when I organized the tête-à-tête. After my family and myself had been duly trashed, the coffeehouse bore the brunt of criticism. Private, frustrated tears are no stranger to my eyes, and I often wonder how it is that certain members of my family can be so calloused. Mom hypothesizes that my travails are thanks to my being an optimist in a pessimist-studded family.

So, I was feeling particularly low yesterday. It has a hell of a way to start a day, and an occurrence that I will not schedule again in the foreseeable future. I began eating and Brenda, looking at me, said, "She looks nice today. Don't you think she looks nice today?"

Mom nodded, her mouth full.

Debbie replied, "Yes, she always looks nice." I was momentarily speechless. Where the heck did that come from? I thanked everybody for their compliment and momentarily my heartache was forgotten.

I felt rather cheap at first. I berated myself. So, a little vanity primping can distract you from serious problems? Then, I realized that it wasn't the compliment so much as it was the effort to make me feel better. I love my family...and I even like a lot of them too. Most of the time. ;-)

I leave myself a pretty open target for hurt, but I also leave myself a pretty open target for joy.

Life is a balance. The yin and the yang. The darkness and the light. To everything there is an equal and opposite counterpart, an equal and opposite counterpart that you must encounter to remain in equilibrium. I want  to know elation...even knowing that it comes at the price of misery.