It's difficult knowing that you have limitations...difficult knowing how transparent they really are once you cross the line.

I've had a drinking problem for many years now. I try to abstain from the practice that elicits such shameful results...but now and again, one thing leads to another and I am facing my embarrassment once more: I slurp.

And, I think a vacuum inhaling a large cat would produce a prettier sound.

It started when I was quite young. Perhaps it is the result of my sensitive teeth, this pursing of the mouth during the consumption of cold fluids. I've often thought it was my over-sized and rubbery lips that just didn't know how to handle the task at hand mouth. My mother teases me constantly—a means, me thinks, to cloak her own feelings of failure. She never taught her first born how to drink properly! I'd organize a cover up too, if it were me.

I try to use a straw at every possible opportunity. I suck in silence. The gush of liquid hits the back of my tongue, bypassing my molars, and the transaction is smooth. I feel a rush at this success, though a little self-pity over the celebratory dance in the honor of a bit of bendy plastic tubing.