My dad is a big Discovery Channel buff. He comes home after a hard, physical day of work and heads for the shower (if we're lucky). Then he proceeds to, dressed in pajama bottoms (if we're lucky), cross his skinny legs and balance a bag of potato chips on his belly as he reaches for the remote with one hand and a beer with the other.

His eyes scarcely blink as one animal devours another, as one mates with another, or as one plays hopscotch with another. Rarely have we seen him so fascinated, so bewitched, in the absence of banana oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. He seems too quiet, too peaceable, too agreeable; in short: he is too unaware of our existence during this time. I've long assumed that my father has mastered the art of sleeping with his eyes open. There is no other explanation.

Today, I realized my folly as Dad enlightened us on the reproductive intricacies of cats.

Sunday night, he discovered a litter of four kittens nestled between the bales of hay stacked in the shed. I saw two of them last night (as Momma-Cat was in the process of moving them...Drats! Another hiding place foiled by those rotten humans!), and they're so tiny! They can't be more than just a few weeks old. One was orange, and the other one was calico...Dad says that there was another calico kitten, and a fluffy gray as well.

You see, I've caught sight of a skittish calico walking around the yard, and have tried to earn a little trust with her. It has proven faintly impossible, as the mere sight of me from 100 feet away sends the poor thing running...now we know why. Mommas have to be doubly protective, don't they? (Particularly of nerdy Norwegian ninnies.)

We've also seen two toms walking around...a handsome gray and a striking butterscotch boy as well. Dad said he saw the two of them walking around today, he said they probably sired their look-alike kittens. Let me get this straight: two kittens born at the same time, to the same mother...but with different fathers? Mom and I looked at each other like, "Good LORD! And this man actually PROCREATED!" Immediately, his defenses went up.

"I saw it on the Discovery Channel! And they said that multi-colored kitten litters usually demonstrate multiple mating! So THERE!" I visited every search engine I could think of, and I searched for a discretion in the information. I can tell you that crow has never tasted so terrible.