Dear Dad,

I said I was sorry for no longer eating a lot of meat in my diet. I know you took that rather personally, but it was not intended as an attack. I know my lifestyle still eats at you, as you have brought up the subject many times.

You have also peppered me with accounts of people eating—how did you pronounced that?—toad food  instead of meat. Their doctors all told them to eat meat again, didn't they? Perhaps if they had but tried tofu as their meat alternative, they might have found more pleasing medical results.

But that is neither here nor there, is it Daddy?

Beefing down my life has cut you deeply. I have shaken the very walls of your foundation and you are ill with my scandalous behavior.

Please do not fret so...and for Heaven's sake accept it an move on!

I've been put on the defensive night after night as I stir my cooking broccoli, and it is not nice, Dad. I have written (I think you're planning on creating flyers and spreading them to all the town members):

roughly 5,000 times. In blood. But that still wasn't enough, was it?

This shall be my final peace offering. Oh, along with this monotone cheer: "Go Pack Go...Woo."

The End

Sincerely,
          Laura